{"id":21338,"date":"2017-09-15T13:58:56","date_gmt":"2017-09-15T17:58:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/college.unc.edu\/?p=21338"},"modified":"2024-07-02T16:36:53","modified_gmt":"2024-07-02T16:36:53","slug":"putting-the-you-in-thank-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/?p=21338","title":{"rendered":"Putting the \u201cYou\u201d in \u201cThank You\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Some researchers believe gratitude is a fundamental human emotion, connecting us friends and partners who support our well-being. Two UNC psychologists focus on the long-lasting effects of living a life full of thanks.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"ast-oembed-container \" style=\"height: 100%;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Raising Grateful Children\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/HLLLM1a_zHk?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>Charles Darwin may be best known for his theory of survival of the fittest \u2014 the most adaptable organisms are the most likely to survive and thrive. Less well known but perhaps just as important is his view on human relationships. \u201cA man\u2019s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth,\u201d he once said. UNC psychologist\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.saraalgoe.com\/\">Sara Algoe<\/a>, who studies gratitude and its effect on our relationships, couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n<div class=\"entry-content\">\n<p>\u201cGratitude may actually alert us to people in our environment who are looking out for our best interests,\u201d she points out. \u201cAnd that\u2019s really central to survival, to the human species. We need to be able to find people who have our backs.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But how do we learn gratitude skills? That\u2019s what UNC clinical psychologist\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/hussong.web.unc.edu\/\">Andrea Hussong<\/a>\u00a0hopes to uncover. She has spent the past three years focused on Raising Grateful Children, a project of the\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/cds.web.unc.edu\/\">Center for Developmental Science<\/a>, an inter-institutional organization hosted at UNC that Hussong directs. Initiated by a\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.templeton.org\/funding-areas\/character-virtue-development\">2012 push for gratitude research by the John Templeton Foundation<\/a>, the study strives to understand parents\u2019 gratitude goals and then help them cultivate those values in their children.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGratitude is how you make sense of what you\u2019ve been given \u2014 your feelings and thoughts about those gifts,\u201d Hussong says. \u201cAnd then how you act on that to show appreciation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Beyond \u201cthank you\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>How can we measure gratitude? Through conversation. And lots of it. Hussong and her team \u2014 which includes psychologists from UNC, Duke, and NC State \u2014 held focus groups and then lab visits with 100 middle-class families that include children ages 6 to 9. \u201cWe wanted to go as young as we thought we could go to see it start unfolding,\u201d Hussong says. \u201cWe didn\u2019t want to simply study manners or appreciation \u2014 we wanted to study the whole experience of gratitude.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kids as young as 6 recognize the difference between simply saying \u201cthank you\u201d and genuine gratitude, according to Hussong. \u201cMany of the children we talked to had a lovely phrase for telling the difference between the two,\u201d she chuckles. \u201cThey\u2019d say: \u2018She said\u00a0<em>thank you<\/em>, but she didn\u2019t mean it.\u2019 So even at that age they are getting it \u2014 but they lack the perspective, the experience of it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>To better understand how parents teach this, Hussong and her team utilized these focus groups to create a longitudinal study. Since 2012, they have gathered data on these families and their children (now ages 9-12) via lab visits a few times each year, and plan to continue the project into 2018. Through their observations, they found that parents teach gratitude to their children in different ways.<\/p>\n<p>The first is modeling \u2014 watching parents express gratitude toward others. When mom thanks dad for cooking a delicious meal while the whole family eats together at the dinner table, the children take note.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvery time you interact with your kid, you enact something,\u201d Hussong explains. \u201cWhether you choose to or not, you do. And so you have a set of values that you\u2019re demonstrating constantly. We anticipate that parental modeling is going to drive gratitude.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But it\u2019s more than just modeling. Current data shows that parents who talk to their kids about gratitude on a daily basis often have kids who are more grateful. \u201cWe think a lot of gratitude lessons are learned in daily conversations, rather than big, sit-down, let\u2019s-instill-a-virtue discussions,\u201d Hussong says.<\/p>\n<p>What about when children are ungrateful? How parents respond to that is crucial, too. \u201cOur initial findings suggest that negative reinforcement toward a child\u2019s entitlement may actually promote gratitude,\u201d Hussong explains. Positive reinforcement, on the other hand, could lead to more feelings of privilege down the road. But there may be other unintended consequences associated with both responses, Hussong points out.<\/p>\n<p>Physical environments shape this human emotion as well. Sometimes parents choose activities for their children based around fostering gratitude \u2014 such as volunteering with them at a homeless shelter or encouraging them to hang out with respectful friends. This process is called niche selection. \u201cWe make choices about who our children connect with and what they do,\u201d Hussong says.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tween talk<\/strong><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_21340\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-21340\" style=\"width: 524px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-21340\" src=\"\/\/casdev.unc.edu\/collegearchive\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/44\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot-300x169.png\" alt=\"A mother talks to her son about gratitude. \" width=\"524\" height=\"295\" srcset=\"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/21\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/21\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/21\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/21\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/21\/2017\/09\/raising-grateful-children-screenshot.png 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 524px) 100vw, 524px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-21340\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A mother talks to her son about gratitude.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Most recently, Hussong and her team received another Templeton grant to translate their findings into programs for parents. They\u2019ve developed an online, web-based training platform for parents still participating in the study to learn communication skills with their now 9- to 12-year-olds.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThese kids, who are coming out of the same sample we\u2019ve been following, are starting to reach the tween years \u2014 when parent\/child communication shifts,\u201d Hussong says. \u201cAnd it\u2019s often a hard time for parents, moving into that give-and-take period.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In partnership with\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.storyminemedia.com\/\">Story Mine Media<\/a>, a Durham-based documentary film group, the researchers created short videos to model these conversations from both adult and child perspectives \u2014 an idea originating from Hussong\u2019s previous work with a training program for parents whose children misbehave.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut the goal here is not to change child behavior,\u201d Hussong stresses. \u201cThe goal is to understand each other. We do that by helping parents learn how to listen to their kids, how to help kids share with their parents, and then how parents can appropriately share back with their children.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Among adults<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Gratitude continues to become more and more important as we age and develop relationships in all aspects of life. Most recently, Algoe \u2014 who has researched gratitude since 1999 \u2014 and her team gathered data from more than 400 people in romantic relationships (funded through the same 2012 Templeton Foundation push for gratitude research mentioned earlier). They found that couples who express gratitude on a day-to-day basis have stronger relationships and feel more satisfied with their lives.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGratitude is a booster shot for relationships and health,\u201d she explains. \u201cNo matter which way we look at it, on days people said thanks or received thanks they felt better about their relationship than they did the day before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In another study, Algoe delved into the gratitude expression itself. What is it about that expression that\u2019s most impactful? \u00a0\u201cPutting the \u2018you\u2019 in \u2018thank you\u2019 is the thing,\u201d she says. Imagine a brother gifts his sister a sweater, and she responds by exclaiming how great the sweater itself is. The brother is glad she likes it, but what really hits home is when she points out his thoughtfulness.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf you express gratitude to me by calling out how great the thing I did is \u2014 praising my actions \u2014 then it adds value to the relationship,\u201d Algoe explains. \u201cSo talking about how great the sweater is isn\u2019t enough. It\u2019s saying, \u2018<em>You<\/em>\u00a0went out of your way to get this and\u00a0<em>you<\/em>\u00a0remembered my favorite color,\u2019 that makes the difference.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>A chemical romance<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Gratitude may be more than something we get from our parents. Some researchers believe there\u2019s a greater biological mechanism at play.\u00a0 \u201cIn the 1990s, these experiments with prairie voles really got peoples\u2019 minds engaged in the possibility that oxytocin facilitates social life in all these ways,\u201d says Algoe. Researchers found that females with high levels of oxytocin were more likely to engage in long-term relationships with one male partner.<\/p>\n<p>Intrigued, Algoe couldn\u2019t pass up the opportunity to test whether oxytocin facilitates bonding via gratitude in humans. In a recent study, she and her team found that 129 romantically-involved adults with naturally elevated levels of oxytocin had better perceptions of their partner when he\/she expressed gratitude toward them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s like rose-colored glasses for bonding,\u201d Algoe says. \u201cAnd it helps forecast the future of the relationship. It adds to the feeling you have when you walk away from the conversation.\u201d\u00a0 She hopes to use the study as a basis for further exploration into the effects of oxytocin on intimate partnerships.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ripple effect<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>While family and romantic relationships are vital, most of us spend the majority of our days at work, which led Algoe to wonder about gratitude in those environments. \u201cYou know the person at the office who gets frustrated too quickly and then the person who cracks jokes \u2014 you change your behavior toward those people,\u201d Algoe says. \u201cWell, we\u2019re thinking about the person who expresses gratitude.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Through another Templeton grant (called \u201cGratitude and Societal Good\u201d), Algoe and her team will test the effects of being in an environment where people regularly express gratitude and whether or not that boosts multiple relationships at once within a given social network. \u201cWe have some exciting new data showing that my gratitude to you actually changes the behavior of somebody who sees me thank you,\u201d she says. \u201cSo that suggests that one person can start a ripple effect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, at the Center for Developmental Science, Hussong ponders how gratitude differs among cultures. \u201cFor our online program, we interviewed a Korean-American mom, who talked about the way gratitude gestures are built into daily life in Korea \u2014 and are so different from what she\u2019s experienced in the states. I\u2019m really curious about these things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Although Hussong has no immediate plans to delve into a cultural study, one of Algoe\u2019s graduate students has already begun tackling the topic. For his dissertation, Yen-Ping Chang is collecting data from Taiwanese and American study participants to test hypotheses about cultural variety in the ways people demonstrate their gratitude.<\/p>\n<p>Thanks, in part, to Templeton, this is the nature of gratitude research, lately \u2014 if you\u2019re not researching it, someone else probably is. That\u2019s why Algoe, Hussong and\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/rady.ucsd.edu\/people\/faculty\/oveis\/\">Christopher Oveis<\/a>\u00a0from the UCSD Rady School of Management have teamed to host a gratitude conference at UNC in January: to bring together academics focused on the topic from across the United States.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere are all these different people studying gratitude from all these different angles,\u201d Algoe points out. \u201cSome study it as a disposition or personality trait. Others are interested in how it works for intervention. Our goal is to get them in the same room to exchange ideas and get a network going. And we\u2019re really excited about the possibilities.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"boilerplate\">\n<p><em>Sara Algoe is an associate professor of social psychology in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience within the UNC College of Arts &amp; Sciences.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Andrea Hussong is the director of the Center for Developmental Science and a professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience within the UNC College of Arts &amp; Sciences.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Yen-Ping Chang is a graduate student in the Social Psychology Graduate Program within the UNC Department of Psychology and Neuroscience.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<footer class=\"entry-meta\">Story by Alyssa LaFaro, Endeavors magazine<\/footer>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some researchers believe gratitude is a fundamental human emotion, connecting us friends and partners who support our well-being. Two UNC psychologists focus on the long-lasting effects of living a life full of thanks. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":21340,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,21],"tags":[1496,24,1363,26,190,641,1497,860,1498,1499,1500,1501,329,55,862,1502,1503,863,36,37,38,39,40],"class_list":["post-21338","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-natural-sciences-mathematics","category-news","tag-behavior","tag-carolina","tag-children","tag-college-of-arts-and-sciences","tag-communication-studies","tag-endeavors","tag-grateful","tag-gratitude","tag-kids","tag-parenthood","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-psychology","tag-research","tag-sara-algoe","tag-society","tag-thank-you","tag-thanks","tag-unc","tag-unc-arts-and-sciences","tag-unc-college-of-arts-and-sciences","tag-unc-chapel-hill","tag-university-of-north-carolina-at-chapel-hill"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21338"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48235,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21338\/revisions\/48235"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/21340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegearchive.unc.edu\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}